Thing's change People don't
by StormieSkies
Summary: Phil is the gay of the school. There is literally no one else who is gay. But it honestly isn't that bad. Except that he gets beat up for it. At home and school. What can he do about it? He can't change who he is. Rated T for language. Viewer discretion is advised
1. A new found confidence

"Oh look, everyone! It's the faggot Lester trying to walk the halls again!" I heard Dan taunt from behind me.

I was standing by my locker, enjoying the newest bruises my father had given me. You see, my mother left us when I was a small child, and she took my only brother, Martin, with her. My dad blamed me for some weird reason, and he hit me everyday for it. Not only that… he also couldn't find a 'partner' and had a lot of sexual needs… if you understand what I'm trying to say. In a simpler way to put it, I lost my virginity when I was 5, when I thought what he was doing was okay. I was 5. What did you expect me to do? I couldn't get him away. Besides, he hadn't done that in years.

Dan's voice cut through my thoughts, "Oi! Faggot! Why are you still in this school? You know no one likes you. You're just worthless trash, you can't do anything!"

"Coming from the boy who has a D- in math class…" I muttered under my breath.

"What was that, trash? Something about the D? I know you want the D, but you aren't going to get it!" Dan said as he turned me around and pushed me against the lockers.

Now, I don't usually get angry, even at Dan, because I like to spread positivity. I don't know where this confidence came from, but I just blurted, "You're saying I want the D? You're the one pushing a boy against the lockers everyday talking about it. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a thing for me, and boys in general. So why don't you back the fuck off and let me get to my next class?" I was growling every word now.

You could see the shocked look on Dan's face and all the boys behind him. But the shocked expression quickly turned to anger and I finally realized I had just fucked up big time. I was in for it.

"You can't speak to me like that!" He punched me once on the nose. It started bleeding. "You're just a worthless!" Another punch. "Piece!" A third punch to my stomach. "Of!" A punch in the chest. And I was starting to lose consciousness, thank god. "TRASH!" A final blow to my head and I was out. The last thing I remember seeing was Dan laughing with his friends.


	2. Shit

**A/N Hey guys! Sorry this update is literally like a day after lol. I have A LOT a free time and enjoy writing. I hope you liked the last chapter, I did try relatively hard on it for my standards. Anyway, thanks for reading! Stay amazing, Cloudlings!**

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"Phil? Phil, sweetie, wake up." I vaguely heard the school nurse talking to me.

"Huh? W-where am I?" I said, confused and dazed, but hoping to god she hadn't called my dad.

"You're in the nurse's office, sweetie. I called your dad, and he's going to come by to get you." Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I was in for it. Even if I didn't do anything wrong, I was in for it.

"You're going to be okay, but your nose is broken. One of your Ribs is also bruised, and so is the back of your head. It's going to be a painful next few days, but you'll get through it. Care to tell me what happened?" The nurse said in a nice voice. This isn't the first time I've been in the nurse's office because of Dan. I just would never tell the nurse that he was the reason I was in here so often.

"Uh… I fell down a staircase…" Great excuse, Phil. At least it was sort of believable. I wasn't exactly entirely in control of my body.

"Phil…" Nurse Alexa looked me directly in my eyes. "It seems to me, that every time you come in here, which is close to every day, you fell down the stairs. This is serious, Phil! You have a broken nose! Is someone doing this to you?" She asked looking at me with a sincere look of worry on her face.

In the past few months that the news I was gay leaked, Nurse Alexa had been like a mother to me. The mother I never had. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't cry. Not now. Not in front of her. Then she'll know somethings up. I felt the tears slide down my cheeks and saw Nurse Alexa get a sincere look of… pity. Pity was the last thing I wanted in this fucking world. I didn't need pity. Not now, not ever. I've gone 17 fucking years dealing with my dad's horrendous beatings, and now 6 months going through Dan's. I did not need pity. It was a sign of weakness. And, as though I may have been crumbling inside, my frame would hold strong. I only had to keep myself intact for two years when I finally got out of my Senior year, and then I would be home free.

"Phil… sweetheart…. Who is doing this to you?" She asked, the pity evident on her face.

"I don't need pity! I can live with his beatings! It's just a stupid ass nose, the bone will heal! I don't need this!" I yelled.

I got up and stormed out of the office, seeing the office assistant's looking at me with perplexed looks on their faces before I ran head first into someone walking down the hallway.

Dan.

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 **A/N Hey guys! Relatively short chapter…. Sorry! Next chapter up suupppeerr soon because I have no life! Yay! Carry on then, cloudlings! Have a good day! Maybe Phil's life will get better while you're gone**


	3. The Last Resort

"Shit!" I heard Dan yell. "What the fuck, Lester? You tried to beat me up earlier, it didn't work, remember?" He sneered.

"Dan! That's so rude! How could you say something like that? He's just a boy, he hasn't done anything wrong!" A new voice said something, and I realized my eyes had been clenched tight since Dan's comment. An involuntary reflex, I guess.

"Alice, you can't claim shit about him since you got here _today._ You don't know how much of a faggot he is." Dan glared at the girl (Alice?) while she glared equally as hard, which was surprising for someone to stand up to Dan like that.

Only then did I decide to actually look at Alice, and get her features in. She actually looked relatively like Dan, with big, chocolate brown eyes, and brown eyebrows. Although, her hair was not brown, it was black, probably dyed. She had a pretty face, and dimples, just like Dan. Were they siblings?

"Dan! Don't say stuff like that! That's awful!" Alice said. She looked at me and smiled an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry if my brother has ever been rude. He isn't like this at home, I swear. Well. He is. But never this bad." With that Alice glared up at her brother, who had a good foot on her.

I coughed, really wanting to excuse myself. "I-it's fine. He's never done much harm. Just makes a bunch of smart ass remarks. Oh and of course hitting me but never-" I cut off there, realizing what I had just said.

"He… he WHAT?!" Alice looked pissed. Like, insanely pissed. She looked towards her brother, growled, and said in a very low voice "Daniel James Howell if I EVER hear of you being rude to any child at this school EVER again, I will personally rip your head off, and if that doesn't seem to work, I'll go to mom and dad." Dan's eyes were wide as fuck, obviously scared shitless by his sister's accusations.

Dan turned around and glared at me. "This is your fault, Lester," He growled. "It would be better for everyone is you just _dropped dead."_ And with that, he turned on his heel and walked away.

That hurt. I don't know why, but it hurt. I knew I was worthless. My dad had told me that enough times for me to know it was true. Maybe I should just die.

I sniffed, feeling tears pricking at my eyes, and excused myself from Alice, whose eyes were wide as saucers, before I saw her walk in Dan's direction, stomping with every step.

I kept walking until I got home. I knew he wouldn't be home yet. And if he was, he would still be passed out drunk. His car wasn't there, though, so when he found me later that day I would already be dead. Hopefully.

I kept walking to the bathroom, and locked the door. I opened the drawer, and found it. The sharp object that could make all my pain go away. I brought it to the back of my wrist, feeling the tears falling down my face. I didn't even feel the pain from Dan's bruises, I just felt the razor digging into my skin, breaking it, and feeling the crimson liquid wash down my arm.

 _6 times, 7 times, 8 times, 9…_

I was starting to get dizzy. Really dizzy. And I was in pain. So much pain.

Suddenly, I couldn't feel anything, and everything went dark.

And then I heard a bang.


	4. Silence

_**Dan's P.O.V.**_

I knocked on his door. I didn't want to do this, but Alice was making me. She was waiting at home, a few houses down, for me to return reassuring her I told him I was sorry. I was sure he had come this way. He always does when I actually hurt his feelings. I didn't know if he would answer though. I've never been over here.

After a few minutes, I knock again, irritated that he didn't answer the first time. I jiggle the door knob, surprised the find it unlocked. Not that I enjoy just walking into people's homes, I did anyway. And I'm sure glad as hell I did.

I don't know what the fuck goes on in Phil's house, but I sure has hell know Phil doesn't drink. There were beer bottles everywhere. And I mean _everywhere_. Some were broken, some spilling leftover liquid. And there were red spots on the floor in multiple spots. What the fuck? Where was Phil?

I was a little more worried now, so I called out a small "Phil?" To see if he was there.

There wasn't.

I started walking around the house, and then I saw what I figured was the bathroom door. It's light was on, it's door was closed, and there was blood coming out of the bottom of the door

Shit.

I ran to the door and forced it open.

What I saw I wish I could unsee.

I saw Phil, lying there surrounded by his own blood, with a razor a few feet away from him.

And I didn't know what to do.

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 **A/N Sorry this chapter was so short, but it's almost 10:00 and it's my birthday tomorrow, so I need to get to bed. Hope your enjoying the story. Goodnight my cloudlings!**


	5. An Everlasting Ink

_**Phil's P.O.V.**_

I woke up to a blinding white light, and the feeling of a hand in mine.

"What the…?" I managed to squeak while squinting and trying to sit up, but failing miserably.

"Hey, hey, Phil, don't try to sit up. Just keep laying." I heard a familiar voice say. But, it wasn't my Dad's or Dan's menacing voice. It was… Alice?

"…A-Alice?" I stuttered, wondering what Dan's sister was doing here.

"Yeah, Phil, it's me. What happened? I sent Dan to apologize and he said when he got in there you were on the floor surrounded by blood, unconscious. He was really scared, Phil. I thought he just didn't care enough to apologize when he ran out of the house. But, he screamed at me to call 999, so I did. Seriously, what happened?" Alice was speaking gently but fast. I don't think she meant to speak that fast, it just happened.

"I-I um… I uh…." I tried to tell her, but I couldn't. I was ashamed. I should never have done it in the first place, I had only done it because Dan told me that I should just die. It's not that I cared what Dan thought of me, but it's just… if you hear something enough times, it seems to stick with you. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, honestly. But their words stick with me, like an irremovable tape. They stay with me, just like every bump and bruise, and they never fade. An everlasting ink, it would stick with him for the rest of his life.

"Phil? Phil what's wrong? Do I need to get a doctor?" Alice said in a worried tone.

"Huh? Oh… uh… no it's fine Alice, I'm okay." I said quickly.

"Okay then… if you swear you're okay…" She said squinting her pretty brown eyes at me and contemplating what to say next when I realized something she had said.

"Wait… Alice…?" I said, suddenly VERY fucking confused. There's no way she would be telling the truth about this.

"What is it, Phil?"

"Did you say… Dan was WORRIED about me?" I said, dumbfounded. I had suddenly sat up, astonished at the thought of Dan Howell caring about anyone but himself.

"Um… yes… I did… But I don't think I was supposed to tell you that… So… Is that a big deal or something?" Alice said, questioning my every word.

"Well… Um… It's just… He never cared about anyone other than himself… I figured he would just let me bleed out… Actually, to be honest, I never thought it would be him who found me. I figured it would be my dad… Actually… Speaking of, you guys didn't call him, did you?" I was scared. I was scared shitless. If my dad found out I had cut myself and almost got myself killed, he would probably kill me. I really fucking hoped Alice hadn't called anyone. Or Dan.

"Um… No they didn't… Phil I actually need to talk to you about that… I talked to my brother… He said he only hit in the stomach and face, never anywhere else, right?" Alice was speaking low, as if she was afraid of what would happen if she spoke any louder.

"Well… yeah… He only ever hit me at school and it was only ever the stomach. He only hit my face on 'special occasions'." I grimaced, remembering all the times Dan's fist had collided with my face. I saw Alice wince too, as if she were afraid of my answer, but glad it was my answer at the same time.

"Phil…" She had tears in her eyes. What was going on? "Why were there bruises on your back too? And the back of your head. And your arms, lining your upper arms are just purple bruises! What's going on?!" Alice said louder, tears actually falling from her eyes. Why would she be crying over me? We only met a few hours ago…

I don't know why, but I was pissed. Not at Alice, at myself, for letting this go on so long.

"I'm fine, Alice. To be honest, I'm super fucking clumsy, so I fell down the steps at school, and I fell down sort of backwards. It was extremely fucking painful, but I'll be fine." I faked a cheerful laugh, and put on the most sincere face I could.

"Oh…" Was all Alice managed to say.

Just then, the door opened and in walked Dan.

"Phil! Are you alright?" Dan said frantically, but then he seemed to realize what he was doing so he stopped and just put on his mean face. "Only losers slit their wrists." Then he walked out.

I could already feel the tear buildup. I couldn't believe he had said that to my face, especially with what was going on.

"Wait… That's why you're in here?" Alice asked, turning around in her chair to face me, tears still evident on her face.

I slowly nodded, not wanting to admit it, but I kind of had to… there was no other choice, Dan had made that clear with his random ass outburst. I don't think I've ever hated someone more than him. Other than my dad. But how could you not hate such an asshole like my Dad? But now, I think Dan just beat him by telling a potential friend that I cut myself like a fucking pathetic loser.

But, Phil had to say he was surprised.

Because the last thing he expected her to do was wrap her arms around him comfortingly, saying she was sorry about her brother.

"I'm your new best friend, Phil. And we will never be apart as long as you know my brother."


	6. Amber

**A/N I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I know this is late and I'M SORRY but I've had a really rough and busy week, and I had started this chapter but it literally deleted itself off my computer so wtf Idk but SORRY I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. Enjoy the story!**

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 **Dan's P.O.V.**

What. The fuck. Had I. Just done. I can't believe I just said that! Why would I say that to Phil? He was obviously hurting right now, who was I to make it worse and call him a loser? Again…

I was deep in thought standing outside Phil's room, wishing I could just burrow myself into a hole and cry because I was just that stupid, when I heard someone call my name.

"Dan?"

Oh shit. Alice will want to fucking beat me after that. And Phil would surely never forgive me for that.

"Dan? Is that you? Dan Howell?" I heard the voice say again, but this time I realized: It wasn't Alice's. Alice had a softer voice, this one was strong, and lustful, and sinister.

Oh shit.

Not Amber. Please anyone but Amber.

I turned around and saw the worst thing I could have seen right then: Amber.

"Dan! Oh my god, baby, how are you?!" She said, running up to me and hugging me and trying to kiss me.

"Amber, get off." I said calmly, pushing her off of me. This could NOT be happening right now.

"Dan! Don't talk to me like that! I'm just trying to kiss my _boyfriend_." She said in that lustful voice, tracing her fingers along to the collar of my shirt, while pushing her chest in front of me.

"Amber stop. I'm not your boyfriend anymore, remember? We broke up months ago." I said, trying to stay calm and grabbing her wrists to gently push her off me. She was really pushing it.

"Well, I know baby, but I still love you!" She laced her arms around my neck, and pushed me up against a wall, using her weird super human strength from horniness to pin me there. "Just stay still, Danny, you know you still love me."

"Get the hell off me, slut!" I yelled, pushing her as hard as I could, and sending her stumbling backwards, a look of shock soon replaced by anger. I decided to continue. "If you really loved me, I wouldn't have had to walk in on you and Charlie! Who you then dumped a week later! Then going after, Marcus, just to leave him? No way bitch, get away from me." I said staring her down.

Right then, Phil's door opened and out stepped Alice, who had obviously been crying, with a look of pure anger in her eyes, very obviously directed at me. She then seemed to notice Amber, and stopped in her tracks.

"Amber." She growled, looking Amber up and down. She was wearing something really inappropriate for a hospital. Blue booty shorts and a red tank top? Yeah, no.

"Oh yippee! Alice decided to join the party." Amber said, rolling her eyes.

Alice rolled her eyes right back at her, then turned to look at me. And she laughed. "Considering I'm not stupid, and I know she said something, what did she say?"

"Actually, nothing. Just groping me and trying very hard to make out with me. Desperate, really." I said casually, trying not to let Alice remember Phil.

Alice laughed and Amber narrowed her eyes. "Please. You were nearly throwing yourself at me. Or you were trying, but someone as CHILDISH as you wouldn't know how to keep a girlfriend. There's your explanation to why I got a new dick. Because _you're_ still a virgin."

Alice squinted at me, and I realized the long silence while Amber had helped her remember just why she had come out here. But, wonderful Alice, just turned towards Amber and smiled. "At least he knows how to keep his legs shut." And with that, she walked away into Phil's room, while I started laughing. Amber huffed and turned away and stormed off. I gathered myself and walked back into Phil's room, forgetting what I had said to him.

The second I walked in, I saw Phil and Alice laughing and I started laughing again. "Alice that was great! Did you see the look on her face? Oh my god!" I wiped at my eyes and then saw Phil. He had stopped laughing, and sat still, looking towards his hands, which were folded in his lap.

I coughed, then looked down at the floor. I heard the bed creak, and looked up to see Alice getting up, walking towards me. The second she reached me, she slapped her hand across my face.

"You asshole. I can't wait to tell Mum and Dad what you said, just so I can watch your ass get grounded for a year, after making a kid go to the damn hospital!" I was dumbfounded. My sister never hit, and hardly cursed like that. Honestly, I would never have even considered her my sister personality wise.

"Alice its fine, I'm going to be fi-"Phil was cut off by the door slamming open to reveal a tall man, with stubble on his face and an angry look in his eyes. I saw Phil's eyes widen with fear, the same way they did every time I went to hit him. Who is this?

"Excuse me, sir, could you please not slam the door? Thanks. Trying to deal with family issues." Alice said sourly to the stranger, making him scowl at her.

"Whatever. Phil, what's this I hear about cutting yourself? I already raised a fag, I don't need an emo depressed freak, too." The man, presumably his father, said sourly, the smell of alcohol fresh on his breath.

"I-it was nothing, dad. I just slipped in the bathroom and hit the shower rod. I forgot to put it back up yesterday after trying to fix it." Phil said, lying right through his teeth, as though he had done it before.

"That seems to be a similar excuse to last time. Whatever, idiot. I wouldn't care if you died anyway. Let's get back to the house." He said reaching towards Phil with his grubby hands.

And I don't remember why I did it, or how I found the strength, but I remember yelling out Phil's name the grabbing his dad and punching him.

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 **A/N I'M SORRY IT'S SO LATE! I worked on it for two days, trying to make a longer chapter because I made you wait :( BUT ITS HERE NOW! Oh and I checked my email, and I had, like, 6 new followers to this story. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I even had favorites! Who new it would only take, like, four weeks for me to get follows and favorites? Anyways, thanks so much for supporting the story, which will hopefully keep going for a long time :) I've been working on an O/C but I haven't started writing it yet. Be on the lookout, though! I was sick from school today, so I was able to finish the chapter. :) Enjoy the chapter, and keep being wonderful my cloudlings!**


	7. Hospital Visits Aren't Always Fun

_**Phil's P.O.V.**_

I watched Dan reach towards my father and strike him in the face. Then, the weirdest thing happened.

Dan looked me straight in the eyes, grabbed my face and kissed me.

And I mean he _kissed_ me. He didn't let go for like 30 seconds.

"What the hell?" I said, wide eyed and wondering what the fuck was going on.

Dan's eyes widened, and he bolted up and ran out the door.

"Um…" Alice started, but she was cut off by her own laughing. "I can't believe he did that! Oh my god!" She fell down and had tears falling from her eyes.

"W-What the hell just happened?" I softly asked, my hand unconsciously traveling to my lips. "Did Dan just… Did Dan just kiss me?" And did I just kiss back?

Alice took about 5 minutes to stop laughing and stand up, but only when nurses came in. I hadn't spoken during the time, just letting Alice talk to them and get my Father taken away from the room.

"Hey... Phil?" Alice asked softly, slightly touching my shoulder. I didn't answer. I was still trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. "Phil… The Nurse said that a Police Officer will be here soon, and that he is going to talk to you about living arrangements… Okay?" She tried to look me in the eyes, but I was looking at my hands, which were sitting on my lap, and trying to understand why Dan would kiss me, even though he's taunted me for how many months? 11. He's hit me for how many months? 7. I have how many scars? I lost count.

"Okay…" I barely managed to stutter. Just then, there was a knock at the door and a Police Officer walked in with my Doctor.

"Hi, Phil. I'm Officer Bryan, I'm here to talk to you about living arrangements and what exactly has been going on for the past few months." The Officer said, with sympathetic eyes, looking like he didn't want to have to ask me any questions.

I was suddenly angry. At Dan, for confusing me, at Me, for not stopping anything from happening, at Dad, for hitting me and for raping me, at my Mom, for leaving me with that monster, even at Alice, for laughing during this whole thing. "Months?!" I began, a new anger flaring inside me. "Try YEARS! I've been getting slapped, hit, thrown, pushed, and even STABBED for 12 FUCKING YEARS! I GOT LEFT AT FIVE YEARS OLD! MY MOM LEFT ME FOR NO FUCKING REASON, AND SHE TOOK MY ONLY BROTHER WITH HER. THAT BITCH DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING. EVEN IF SHE WAS TRYING TO GET AWAY, SHE COULD HAVE TAKEN ME WITH HER. HE BLAMES ME FOR NO REASON! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL TO BE ABANDONED? A-AND TO GET BEAT UP AT SCHOOL?! I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY, AND I WILL NEVER BE FUCKING OKAY! I'M A WORTHLESS PIECE OF GAY TRASH, AND THERE'S NO CHANGING THAT! SO! NOW THAT I CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT HOUSE TELL ME OFFICER! WHERE AM I GOING TO FUCKING LIVE? ON THE STREETS? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH THAT BITCH, SO DON'T EVEN TRY THAT!" Finished, I huffed and felt tears sliding down my face. I wasn't one to attack, and I sure as hell surprised the fuck out of Alice and the Officer was just staring at me wide eyed. I knew anyone within 200 feet of my room had heard that, but at the moment I didn't really care. I just wanted to leave the Earth.

"Um… Alright then… So…" Officer Bryan began. "-cough- I, uh, understand you might not want to see your mother, but she is currently your only living relative. Your brother, Martin, is currently 4 years younger than you, so he sure as hell can't take care of you. Any other living relatives have passed." The Officer looked at Alice, and she seemed to understand what I apparently didn't, because she immediately took out her phone and started punching something in. "I'm afraid we don't currently know the whereabouts of your mother and brother, only name and age."

"So where the hell do you want me to live? I can't exactly pay the bills on my asshole father's house. It's not home to me, and I will not fucking stay there. So, tell me Officer, where am I going to live?" I said, still pissed and confused and actually on the verge of an emotional breakdown it felt like.

"Actually, Phil," Alice began. "I have already spoken with my mother. Well, I texted her, because she can't take phone calls at work, unless they're clients. You're going to be staying with us. I explained the situation to her, and she said you could stay, and you're going to be treated just like family." Alice offered a small smile.

"I appreciate the gesture, really, but I don't want to stay with Dan. In fact, that's the last person I want to live with currently." I said without as much sourness in my voice, because this was Alice, and she just wanted to help.

"Phil, I promise you right now, I will not let him hurt you. And if you get uncomfortable, then I promise, we'll find somewhere nice for you to stay until they find your mother, yeah? Please, just try for at least two weeks, then you can make up your mind." Alice said with a hint of desperation in her voice.

This must be really hard for, watching me in pain, and watching her brother do what he did. He probably acted a lot nicer at their house, so his parents probably didn't even realize their son was a prick. Besides, I was so bad at life in general, they would probably pity me, and the last thing on the fucking planet I needed was pity.

"Alice…" I said cautiously, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Phil, _please._ I'm not exactly giving you much of a choice here, sweetie." She said, narrowing her eyes. "I just don't want to have to take you by force." She said, but there was no heat behind her words.

Maybe it won't be that bad. Or, if I get to much for them I could just leave in the middle of the night. "I… uh… Alright –sigh- I'll do it. But only two weeks, then I can leave on my own. I don't need a pity party." I said, crossing my arms, and trying to act all serious, but Alice's grin made it falter, and we both started laughing until the doctor interrupted us.

"It's so good to see that some people can be strong enough to laugh in times as dark as yours, Mr Lester." The Doctor said, smiling.

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." I said, quoting Harry Potter. Alice smiled and squeezed my hand.

Doctor Byrnes smiled and looked at me. "Well, Phil, you are free to go, although it is required we send you off with Anti-Depressants, and some other medications. I understand you might not want to, but I'm afraid it is required." The doctor said, and I nodded. He nodded back at me and started writing on a sheet of paper on a clipboard.

"Right, well Phil, I'm going to drop you and Alice off at your designated house, and we'll start the search for your mum as soon as possible. I promise, we'll get her to you, and I'm sure it won't be that bad. And if it is, just give me a call, yeah?" Officer Bryan said, handing me a paper with his phone number on it. Weird. I smiled back nonetheless, and took it.

Doctor Byrnes handed Alice a paper. "Alright, give him one of each every five hours, alright? You're free to go as soon as you collect his medication." The Doctor smiled and looked at me. "And, Phil, if you ever feel like you need to do that again, I put a few Suicide Hotline numbers on there, and recommendations for things to do to stop feeling like you have to do that." He said, and he smiled again before walking out of the room with Officer Bryan.

"I think Officer Bryan had a thing for you." Alice said and winked at me jokingly, before walking to the door. "I'm going to go get your medications, why don't you get dressed ad ready to leave. We can meet Officer Bryan out by the car." She said and I nodded, slowly standing up and getting out of bed. "Alright, then. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I walked to a duffel bag on the chair and looked through it. They weren't my clothes, they looked like Dan's. Weirdly, that sent a blush to my cheeks. Probably just because of that kiss, I thought. I quickly changed and tossed the hospital gown onto the bed, right as Alice walked back in.

"Right, sorry about the clothes, they took yours because of well… reasons, and these were the only boy clothes I could get on short notice." She said, acknowledging my black skinny jeans (not much change there) and Yeezus black T-shit (There is a change there.) "My mum said she could take you shopping to get you some new clothes, so it's not like you'll only be wearing Dan's clothes." She said, smiling.

I felt nauseous. First, I would be freeloading off the Howell's, now I had to take Dan's clothes until they could spend their hard earned money on more clothes for me? I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to bode well.

"Come on, Officer Bryan is waiting with Dan at the patrol car. He said he had to take us in that one, it's the only one we have on the spot. Dan's going to sit in the front and we're going to sit in the back, alright? Come on." She said, waving me forward. I walked with her to the car, and got in with her.

The whole drive, she sang happily along to My Chemical Romance and Lana Del Ray, tossing her head back and forward, Dan doing exactly the same, although not as loud, and no head thrashing. In fact, he was just sort of humming along. I was too, admittedly, but only because I'm a band nerd. Don't judge me. Alice joked and laughed and it was a happy ride.

And for once in the last 12 years, I felt like it was going to be okay.


	8. Please

The car pulled to a stop, making me and Alice stop laughing, but we were still smiling.

"Well, welcome to your new home, Phil." Officer Bryan said to me, patting my shoulder. "We'll get to work on finding your mum and brother as soon as possible." He said. He smiled, and I shyly smiled back. I don't know if I'm ready for this.

The house we had stopped at was big, three stories. It was dark blue, with a dark red roof. Surprisingly dark. One of the windows on the second floor had curtains drawn, and they were black. Probably Dan's room. I couldn't help but wonder what he keeps in there. Stop, Phil! He abused you at school for _how_ long? But, still, he did kiss me. I heard a voice pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Phil! Come on! I want to show you your room!" Alice said excitedly, pulling me along the pavement. This girl sure was excitable.

"Calm the fuck down, Alice. Don't rip his god damn arm off…" Dan murmured, walking ahead of us. Alice stopped her walking/running/skipping to glare at her brother.

"Stop being such a sour apple, Dan! We have a guest, whether you like it or not, and just because you can't keep your dick in control around him doesn't mean you should be rude!" Alice said proudly, taking me inside past a gaping Dan.

When we got inside she started laughing and skipping again, so I followed slowly, not really knowing what the HELL JUST HAPPENED.

"Come on, Phil! This is your room down here. You can decorate it however you like, and I'm a door down if you need anything. Unless I'm not home, then Dan's the door directly in front of your door." Alice said, pushing the door open to a rather large room.

The room (My room?) was in top shape, it appeared. The bed had a gold duvet on it, and yellow throw pillows over the regular white pillows. There were white drapes over the window, with golden lines zig-zagging their way down. The carpet was a fluffy white, and the closet was literally a sliding mirror. There was another door in a section of a corner.

"Oh, yeah. That's your bathroom. All children's rooms get their own bathrooms, as Mum didn't want us destroying another bathroom. Long story." Alice said, seeing me eye the door. She opened the door and I looked in.

There was a pure white bathtub, with a marble shower with glass walls right next to it. There was a single sink with a medicine cabinet above it, and the toilet had a butt warming option. This was going to be great.

"I hope you like it," Alice began. "We aren't rich or anything snotty like that, but Dad got lucky on a lottery card once." She smiled.

"It's fine, Alice. I love it! I've never been in such a nice room before, this is amazing!" I said, looking at the room in awe.

Alice giggled. "Well, thank you, but Mum decided to let you bring some items over here, and then we'll decorate your room! We'll take you shopping, too. So, I actually need you to go down to your house with Dan, since it's in walking distance. I'm sorry, I would go, but I'm supposed to be meeting my friend Carly at the book store, so I have to go. I'm already running late." Alice said, frowning. "I'm really sorry. I'll go get Dan."

"No, it's f-fine, Alice." I said. Yeah, it's completely fine. Just make me walk to my old house where I got abused with the one person I don't think I can handle being around. Thanks Alice.

She gave me a soft smile then walked out the door. I followed slowly, not really wanting to see Dan just yet. By the time I got over to his door, Dan was standing outside, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Are we gonna go or what?" He said, staring me down.

"Y-yeah… let's go." I said shyly, wondering why he felt like he had to be so mean.

The second I started walking, Dan looked guilty for snapping at me, but his face soon turned back to one of annoyance.

*5 minutes later*

We had walked in complete silence the whole walk, the only sound being cars rushing by or kids playing outside. We neared my house, and I stopped walking.

Dan finally looked at me. "What?" He asked, trying to sound annoyed and failing.

"I-I can't go in… I'm sorry… I-I just c-can't…" I said, feeling tears gather.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. We can wait right here until you're ready to go in." Dan said gently, wrapping his arms around me. It was comforting in a way, and I wished he would do it more often.

"Alright…" I sniffled, after waiting a good half hour, and Dan broke our hug. I couldn't help but feel sad.

"Right. Let's go in, then." He said, standing up straighter, but not looking at me annoyed anymore, but instead with a gentle gaze, like he was looking at a child.

And, god, how I don't want this moment to end.

* * *

 **A/N: IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY IT'S SO LATE! I had Writer's block, but then I got over it today, so I'm posting it and YEAH. I got a REALLY NICE REVIEW AND IT MADE ME WANT TO FINISH THIS FOR HER SO KittenAnneAngel THANK YOU THAT WAS SO SWEET THIS IS FOR YOU!**


	9. Fall outs and Boys

We stepped into the house, cold air hitting our faces. I recognized the tattered furniture, the blood stains on the floor, the broken glass. It was all too familiar.

"I'll only be a minute, if you want to wait down here…" I said, looking back at Dan.

"Actually, I would like to go upstairs, if you don't mind. Last time I was here… wasn't too great of a time for me. I mean, I know it was probably a lot worse for you, considering… You know… But… U-um if you don't mind…" Dan said, stuttering over his words. I don't think I've ever seen him so awkward.

"Uh… Yeah." I said, chuckling.

He followed me up the creaky stair case, and sat on my bed as I grabbed the few items of clothing I owned. They were only a few Muse T-shirts and bright colored T-Shirts and black skinny jeans. I didn't own much.

I threw everything into a duffel bag and slung it across my shoulder, and grabbed my duvet, only to have it taken from me by Dan.

"I'll carry this. You carry the duffel and anything else you need." Dan muttered, looking at the ground.

"Uh… O-okay." I said, walking towards the bathroom to pack my toiletries. I quickly snagged my toothbrush and small toothpaste, and small stick of deodorant, placing them in my duffel, along with my hairbrush and straightener.

"You straighten your hair?" Dan asked from the door, laughing lightly. It was undeniably adorable.

"Uh… Yeah…" I said, laughing with him. He smiled at me, and dimples showed. I wanted to see more of those.

"So… uh… you ready?" Dan asked, suddenly getting awkward. I nodded and we walked downstairs.

I decided to take a shot. "So… Uh… Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Does this mean we're cool at school?" I asked, immediately regretting it. What if he didn't want to be friends? I couldn't handle that. Not after today.

His face got dark. "Phil, I can't. I can't be seen with you. Not as friends, not as friends with benefits, not as acquaintances, not as anything. I won't hurt you anymore, but we _are not friends. And we never will be._ "

I could tell I was about to cry. "You're just too afraid to hurt your stupid ego! I hate you, Dan Howell, I always have and I always will! I wish I had never MET YOU! I'M TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT!" I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, and Dan was staring at me with a mix of surprise and sadness. And… regret? "I HATE YOU! ANYTIME ANYONE IS NICE TO ME THEY JUST LEAVE ME!" My voice was shaking, and I knew I must have looked like a mess, but at the moment I didn't give a fuck. "My mom did, my dad did, you are, and even Alice will! I know I'm a piece of shit taking up space, and I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY I'M SO USELESS! YOU DON'T NEED TO REMIND ME EVERYDAY!" And with that, I left.

I didn't know where I was going. I just knew I was running. And crying. I kept running until I realize I wasn't even on a street anymore. God Damn!

"Shit… Where am I? " I muttered, looking around at the unfamiliar terrain. It was just trees. Just stupid ass _trees._

"Hello!" I heard an unfamiliar voice say.

I screamed, and fell backward, only to see that it was just a boy. A young boy, at that. Probably around 12 or 13.

"Uh… Hi?" I said cautiously. You never know what a person can do.

"Sorry to scare you! I'm Martin. What's your name?" He said cheerfully.

After deciding that this boy could not hurt me, I replied. "Phil." I said, staring down at him. There was something about him…

"Nice to meet you! Are you lost?" He asked. I nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed that this 12 year old was better at navigation than me.

"Follow me! I can get you back to the street. It's just this way, Phil!" He said excitedly, grabbing my hand.

"Alright then…" I said glumly, still upset about Dan.

"Are you alright? You look like you've been crying." Martin said.

"I uh… I-I'm fine. It's just… people trouble. You'll get it when you're older." I said solemnly. Jesus Christ. I was about to cry in front of this kid.

"Aw… I'm sure you'll be alright! That's what Mum says to me when I'm sad. She also says your best friend is a sibling God forgot to give you!" He said, smiling up at me.

I smiled back, and we walked in comfortable silence. This kid was actually pretty smart. I shouldn't let Dan hurt me like this.

We soon reached the road and Martin looked at me.

"I have to get home now, or Mum will be mad I missed dinner. Will I see you around?" Martin asked me.

I smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah you will."


	10. My Metal Escape

I walked into the house, not expecting what happened. When I walked in and closed the door as softly as I could, I was met with an attack. With a hug. From Dan.

"PHIL! PHIL OH MY GOD YOU'RE OKAY! OH THANK GOD I WAS SO WORRIED!" Dan screamed, continuing to grip my waist. His face was nuzzled into my chest despite our height difference, and he had a bear like grip on me, preventing me from getting out of his grip.

The next thing I was met with was getting pushed against a wall by Dan, and him smashing his lips into mine. It started off forceful and pushed, and slowly got more passionate. In a nonsexual way. Sort of. The weird thing is, I was kissing him back. Soon, it was him against a wall. I couldn't help it.

After a few moments, I realized what I was doing. I was making out with the biggest dick in the world. What the fuck? I pulled away, gasping for breath, and very flustered. Dan was staring at me, breathing heavily. I moved back.

"Fuck. You." I growled at him, still REALLY PISSED OFF. He looked shocked.

"Yeah, go ahead, I don't mind." He said, smirking at me. Now I was the one silenced, in awe that he could act like this.

"You know what? I didn't think I would ever say this, but I really hope they find my mother soon, so I can get away from you, you son of a bitch." I said, narrowing my eyes at him and turning to walk away from him.

If only I had turned around to see him crying.

 _ **Dan's P.O.V.**_

Why did he say that? Why did _I_ say that? What the fuck just happened? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!

"SHIT!" I yelled, punching a wall. Phil didn't come running. No one did. Mum and Dad weren't home, Alice was asleep, and Phil hated me.

That's what hurt most. That he hated me. I never could have thought I could feel a pain worse than that day. That one day. The one day no one but Alice knew about.

But where was Alice? Why wasn't she here, comforting me? Because she didn't need to. I could feel the hot tears falling freely down my face. I just wanted to sleep. Forever.

But I knew I couldn't, not today. So, instead, I stood up and walked upstairs. I opened the bathroom door and walked in, staring at myself in the mirror.

 _I thought the crying was over after he left._

Why is it me? Why am I such a dick? Why couldn't I be nice to someone _just once_? Just one time, when they were in need? Why did I turn into this?

I could feel myself fumbling around the drawers. What am I doing? I can't, I just can't.

I need to think. Alice wouldn't want this. Mum and Dad wouldn't want this. Phil wouldn't- Would Phil care? Of course he would. But only because he cares about everyone. Except me, probably.

I found it. That little piece metal that was my escape. My escape from this shitty reality, and my shitty personality. God, I need help.

I sat in silence, taking in what I had sworn I was never going to do again. I had promised her. I only did it because of him. He made me. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I would have died if I hadn't found this sweet release. Maybe this was like then, too.

I picked it back up from where I had placed it in the sink.

 _I'm done thinking._

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Sorry I was angry I don't even remember why tbh.**_

 _ **Still alive out there? Yeah I'm still sorry (Not)**_


	11. Netflix and Phil

_**Phil's P.O.V.**_

I was still _so_ angry. It had been an hour and I still wanted to punch a god damn wall. I still hadn't heard Dan go back into his room, but I didn't entirely care.

"SHIT!" I yelled/whispered, Alice being asleep in the room over. Why is my life so complicated?

I had the sudden urge to cry. Just cry for hours. But, in a way, I didn't.

I walked towards the bathroom to wash my hands and use the loo before I went to bed, but when I tried to open the door, it was locked. Dan.

"Can you hurry the fuck up? Jesus Christ." I muttered, standing by the door and crossing my arms.

"Y-yeah. Um, but you have your own bathroom, Phil. Just use that one." Dan replied through the door. That was logical enough. I kind of had forgotten that I had my own bathroom. The one in the hall was for guests, I remember Alice telling me.

I walked away. Not giving a shit about why Dan had been in the bathroom for an hour.

 _ **Dan's P.O.V.**_

I could feel myself growing weaker. I don't care. I heard Phil walk away. I don't care. I heard the front door open, my parents are home, going to bed immediately. I don't care.

I don't care.

But then I remembered the feel of Phil's lips on mine, the happy look on his face whenever he was talking to Alice, and actually was being treated like a human being for once. I imagine the day Alice found me, in the bathroom dying. And suddenly I care.

"Phil. Phil. Phil." I said weakly, trying to get him to come back.

I needed him in here. I needed help.

Help.

And then I heard it.

"Dan?"

 _ **Phil's P.O.V.**_

"Dan?" I said, cautiously. I had heard him calling my name. He had sounded so weak.

"D-Dan?" I said again, when he failed to respond.

I tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge.

"Fuck. Dan! Open the fucking door!"

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Please open the door.

Officially really fucking sick of trying the handle, I backed up and ran at the door, breaking it open and hurting my shoulder really badly.

 _Well that fucking hurt like hell._

I saw the figure on the floor in front of me, surrounded by his own blood. I felt like was going to be sick. Oh god.

"Dan! Oh my god, Dan! Please look at me! Fuck! I'm so sorry, Dan. Please, just stay with me!" I shouted, crying. I didn't care about anything but helping him. Nothing. I just wanted him to be alright.

"P-Phil?" I heard a weak voice say. I immediately looked up, and saw Dan's eyes barely open.

"DAN! Oh thank god, you're alive! Just stay with me, I'm going to help you!" I said quickly, looking through the drawers for some gauze. Finally finding some I wrapped his arms in it quickly, ripping some medical tape I found in the same drawer, and securing it. Dan was still weak though, and I knew he needed… What was it? Water? Milk? Juice? I'll just get them all and a cookie. Or five.

I helped Dan stand up, and helped him hobble back to his room.

"Stay." I ordered, walking out and bounding down the stairs to the kitchen and pouring a glass of water, juice, and milk. Then, I grabbed a dozen cookies that were placed in a Ziploc baggie and ran upstairs.

I opened the door to see Dan staring at his hands, crying. I immediately placed the items down, and ran over to him. Man, all this running was making me really fucking tired.

"Dan, stop crying. You're okay now, and I'm here." I said gently, knowing all he needed was a hug and some comfort. That's all I had ever wanted, at least.

I wrapped my long arms around him and hugged him tightly, not caring that we had had an argument less than two hours ago.

"I-I'm sorry, Phil, I-I don't know why I did it, I was just so upset, and I know it's not an excuse, but…" He started crying again and I hugged him again.

"Dan, please, it's okay. Why don't we watch a movie and regain some energy? And I'll clean the bathroom before anyone sees, don't worry about it." I said, trying to soothe a hyperventilating Dan.

He nodded and I pulled his laptop onto the bed, placing it on our legs.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked. He shrugged. I turned on Kill Bill because it was the only one I recognized at first glance, and I saw him smile slightly.

I didn't make it through the movie before I fell asleep, but at least I fell asleep to a sleeping Dan cuddled into my chest.

I only had one question.

Why the hell did he do it?


	12. Authors Note (IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!)

_**A/N**_

 **Hi! I just wanted to apologize for not posting as frequently as I said a I would, and not posting high-quality chapters. Honestly, I've been** _ **so**_ **busy. I just finished Mid-Terms today, and, honestly, I've been a wreck. I'm just going through a lot. I'm not going to go into specifics, but there might be a possibility of PTSD (Panic Attacks; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and a constant Depression and possible Eating Disorder. I really would rather not go into specifics, but please, I'm so sorry that my chapters are coming in so late. I had a panic attack at school in the middle of my P.E. exam, and I scratched up both of my arms because I felt like I couldn't believe. I have lost my entire appetite, so that's where the possible Eating Disorder comes in, where as I feel slightly disgusted by food and feel almost no hunger. I don't eat Breakfast or Lunch anymore. But, please don't worry about me, just enjoy the latest chapter of .** **Bye!**

 **-Chloe**


	13. Things change People don't

_**Phil's P.O.V.**_

 _1 month later_

Dan and I have been together for three weeks now. After the incident in the bathroom, we definitely got closer, and he wasn't a dick at school anymore. He also defends me anytime someone tries to make a comment on my sexuality or his. No one fully understands how in the ever loving fuck Phil Lester and Dan Howell of all people got together, but we did and most people seem to accept that. I did find my mum, a week ago, although I haven't spoken to her. I also met my little brother, Martin, and was thoroughly surprised when I realized it was the boy from the woods.

The situation I was in really changed, didn't it? I'm happy now, I don't get beat up as often, I have Dan and Dan has me, and everything's okay. I don't know if I'll ever speak to my mother, I don't know if I could ever forgive her for what she did.

But my Dad is behind bars. I have a home. There's only a few bruises left. My cut are starting to scab and heal, although they are leaving scars.

I do still cut, sometimes. So does Dan. But we have each other, so we're going to be okay, I think.

Dan and I got accepted into Manchester University, and we're going to go together. Alice is going to Yale, and I couldn't be happier for her. The year is starting to go into a close, and we're starting to have to pack up for University soon.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell are really nice. I met them the day after the incident in the bathroom, while Dan, Alice and I were on our way to school. They looked just like Dan, with warm chocolate brown eyes, and they both had brown hair. When Dan and I told them and Alice we were dating a week later, they were very accepting while Alice just kind of laughed about how 'she knew it was going to happen eventually.'

Alice is still my best friend, other than Dan. She met a nice boy who had just transferred to our school. She always talks about him. PJ, I think his name was? She's really happy, which makes me happy.

So, yeah, my life started out pretty shit. Well, no, that's an understatement. My life was a swirling shitstorm of depression.

My situation changed a lot over those weeks in the hospital and at school, and god am I happy it did. I've never been so happy. I have Dan, Alice, Mr. and Mrs. Howell, and now I can contact Martin without having to see my mum, which I love. He doesn't even remember leaving the house, probably because he was very, very young, but now he is 14, while looking like 12 or 13 which is what I had previously thought. My 18th birthday is in two weeks, except now I won't be running like I had previously planned. I would just be….

Happy.

 _ **A/N:**_

 **HI! OKAY THAT'S THE END OF THINGS CHANGE PEOPLE DON'T AND GUYS!  
I really did love this series, and it was a nice outlet for me, which is why this ended a lot happier than what I had previously planned….**

 **In my original ending, Phil's dad escaped prison a few years later (not just a month) after Phil's mum had taken custody of him, ripping him from where he really belonged. Phil's dad ended up murdering Dan, as a way to shove a shitload of pain into Phil's world. His school life never got better, and he continued to get beaten at his mum's house, where she blamed Phil for Martin's death, because she had drunkenly beaten Martin to death and never gotten caught, blaming it on him falling off a steep cliff. Phil and Alice where never friends, as Phil got taken out of her house, and Phil eventually killed himself from the pain of life.**

 **Okay, that was wha the ending was SUPPOSED to be, but then things in my life really changed for the better, and I haven't been this happy in years, and I don't know what it was, but I'm just really happy now.**

 **I want to clear some stuff up. I** _ **DO NOT**_ **have a eating disorder. I am fine, I promise. I have undiagnosed PTSD (read authors note) and, yes, I have Depression. I have clinical depression, and it's a serious matter, but I am really, really happy right now.**

 **Also, I'M GOING TO THE CLEARWATER SHOW FOR DAN AND PHIL'S TOUR! I'M SO EXCITED! I really hope everyone in the U.S. that wanted a ticket for a ticket, because honestly, it was bout Thursday when I started feeling so happy, and that was the day before I got my ticket and it contributed A LOT to my happiness scale. Like, out of 10, I'm an 8 right now, when usually I'm about a 4 or 5, and the occasional 2 or 3.**

 **Dan and Phil helped me out a lot. When my dad told me he and my mum were getting divorced, I was crying A FUCKING LOT and drinking a shitload of tea (idfc it tasted good) and the first thing I did was go to and watch Dan and Phil, and they made me laugh and smile until I was crying tears of happiness, not sadness. They helped me forget for a while. When I found out my mum had cheated on my dad (twice!) while they were together, I watched Dan and Phil because the pain was just so** _ **much**_ **and I didn't feel like I could handle anything. When I started eating less because we couldn''t afford meals (We can now, don't worry** **, and I was still eating just not as much) I watched Dan and Phil because although the pain was coming in triples at this point, it was numbing and I was losing all emotions but just feeling empty, sad or angry. I couldn't cry, I was never hungry, I started having Panic Attacks. My life was just shit, but I marched right through it, because Dan and Phil were right there by my side, the whole time. Yes, I had other people. I had my cousin, Ethan, and my friend (ex-friend) James. The Summer of 2015 was not a good one, but I marched through it while proudly holding the hands of my dads, and I have never been more happy.**

 **If you read all of this, I love you and please, stay strong. If you need to talk, PM me and I will gladly talk.**

 **Thank you for reading this with me,**

 **Stay strong, cloudlings.**

 **I love you.**


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